dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
