Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
