I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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