Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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