so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
