you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
