yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
