I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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