The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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