do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
