where am i from again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
