I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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