I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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