Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
