I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
