I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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