I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
