I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
