ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
