i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
