I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
