You can't motorboat a personality
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
