also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
