I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
