idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
