my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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