I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
