I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
