grandma shit on top of the toilet
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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