I think I died a long time ago.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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