FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
