how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you win again, gameday.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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