oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ugly people sure do ruin things
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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