You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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