After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
