Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
