Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
