My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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