Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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