redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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