I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
