I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
