At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
