those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
