I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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