Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
