You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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