dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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