I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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