hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
