Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
