I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
